9 weeks of bible study has now passed. 9 weeks ago, I walked into a room of complete strangers to seek God in a terrible time of hurting. 9 weeks ago I️ had big questions about my Maker and why I️ was suffering. Now that this first bible study has ended, I’m left to reflect on my relationship with God, the community I’ve gained, and the depth of my faith.
It has been life altering.
But isn’t that what God intended? He opened the door for me to get to bible study, so how could it not have been a drastic change, but also just what I needed.
There is not one thing that I’ve taken away from bible group that is more important than the experience as a whole. I’m blessed to have deepened my understanding in God and the Bible. “The Book” isn’t so terrifying anymore. I’m blessed by the women that became friends. They comforted me in prayer, encouragement, new ideas, and embrace. I could feel God too. There were some nights were the messages were deep, the discussion was inspiring, the scripture was clear, and my thoughts were aligned. His presence was there.
I’m also blessed by the change I’m feeling internally, spiritually, and emotionally.
I’m not parading around and working miracles. This experience hasn’t changed anything about me that anyone can see. This experience has impacted me more than that. My soul feels more protected. My heart is focused on my relationship with my Holy Father. My spirit has been lifted and my pain is more understood.
My pain. This has been the biggest shift. My depressive thoughts have slowly shifted into questions and conversations with God. The pain isn't going to stop. Everyone suffers and I’ve learned why we must. There is lesson and love behind all the heartache. I'm getting it. I’m in a place where I'm thinking therapy can stop. I️ want to bring my concerns before God and continue to work them through with Him. I️ have faith in Him. I️ have faith in me.
And I will pursue Him just as he pursues me and my prayers. I will be patiently waiting for my next bible study.