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We will get pregnant again.  

But there must be something wrong. With my body, with my faith. It’s not happening.  

I have hope. We are meant to be parents. We already conceived.  

Yeah, but that didn’t last.  

Why isn’t this working?

I trust in God’s timing. I will pray.  

He must be trying to tell me something. Does He even want us to have a baby? 

This is my brain. Constantly. My thoughts dart around like a ping pong machine on screech. I’m always convincing myself of something. My thoughts don’t turn off.

I can’t remember when I got on this rollercoaster. It’s my life now. Never have I felt more crazy. The months roll by with the highs and lows. There is no end to the ride in sight.  

There is a glimmer of hope. We become planful around my ovulation week. What can we try differently this month? Timing, strategies. We put our heads together. Then wait. Roll through the two week wait. Work, home, dinner, bed. Don’t get your hopes too high. Don’t think about it too much. My prayers are full of want and desire, but am I too greedy? Too selfish? Was that cramp a good or bad sign? Did my body feel this way last time? Is it all in my head? Check for blood. Day 28. There’s always blood. 

One more conversation

One more conversation

Just tired.